First I want to say thank you to everyone that’s been reading my posts and sending so much love my way! I really do appreciate it.
Life has been interesting since my accident.
The physical parts of the healing process are going well! My skin is growing back, things are starting to itch (good sign), and the pain is definitely more manageable.
I’m finding it hard to adjust to life in other ways. I’ve experienced every emotion possible since it all happened. I’ve been sad, angry, confused, optimistic, happy, grateful and everything in between.
I even felt guilty… Guilty because now someone has to take care of me, and in my mind things shouldn’t be this way. (Thankfully I got over this fairly quickly.)
Adjusting from a trip like the one I took would have taken time no matter what. The accident just made it a little more…complicated. I was living the dream. MY DREAM. I went from doing everything by myself to needing assistance to take a shower. That’s a lot to handle mentally/emotionally.
Every day new feelings come up and I just have to let them rise and pass. What I won’t do is allow them to control me. I know myself. As hard as this is, I know I’ll be ok. I’m already OK. So yes I have moments that are lower than others, but it’s not where I live. I keep moving forward.
Before the accident I had many conversations (with good folk) about gratefulness and taking things for granted. How we need to appreciate the little things and take time to smell the flowers in every day life.
Now, all of the things I’ve learned and tried to teach…I have to put it to work. I’ve been practicing so to speak (learning really), but the real test is in the application. That’s where I’m at right now. Using everything I’ve worked on and applying it to a real life-tough ass situation.
It’s funny to hear people tell me I’m brave. I don’t even know what that means anymore. Maybe I never did. I don’t feel brave. Most days, I feel like a hot ass mess. 😂 I don’t think it’s bravery as much as it is survival. Since the accident, I’ve been in survival mode. I’m trying to come out of that and relax in this phase of life, because as much as I don’t particularly like it, it’s here to stay for a while and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Going forward, my goals are simple.
- Heal physically.
- Find comfort in “the meantime”.
I’ll definitely keep you guys updated 😉